A continuation of the last post

I figured out why I as feeling so overwhelmed with everything. Sat. night I decided to read in the scriptures. I read Moses 1 because that was our reading assignment for the week. When I did I realized what had happened to me was the same thing that happened to Moses. I had this spiritual experience where HF was telling me what I should do. Immediately after that Satan was there to tempt me and make me feel like I wasn't a good mom. He was there to tell me I couldn't do it. Now that I realize that that was what I was feeling I am ok now. Here is what I have learned so far. I must have patience and trust the Lord. I lack both of those things. I also learned that I don't need to tell everyone my plans for my life. It is my life and everyone has their opinion and I don't need to hear all of their opinions. We are going to pursue the Fost to adopt program and see where that takes us. I feel good about that decision.

New Years Eve 2009

First of all I can't believe I haven't written since Oct. WOW! time flies. I am writing because I have had the worst day ever. It started with Bobby having to work night shift today. Bummer!

I called my bff from HS, Becky to ask her adoption questions. So, I will go back a little. The other day I was praying about the baby thing and got the answer that Bobby is not supposed to have the surgery and that we were supposed to adopt. Now I am trying to wrap my brain about this option. So, I called her to see what advice she could give me. She has adopted two children. The first one she adopted from a private agency and it was very expensive but worth it. The second one she got from foster to adopt program. She liked that option the best because she felt she was really helping a child escape a bad childhood. I felt really good while I was on the phone with her but when I got off I got really, really scared. So much that I don't want to adopt at all. It seems like so much work and effort. Needless to say I was in a very bad mood all day because of my worrying.

I started stripping paint on our downstairs entertainment center to try and take my mind of it. Jacob accidentally touched the striper and it really burned his skin. He was screaming because of the pain, and I don't blame it. The story gets worse but I will tell that in a minute.

We all went to the Barlow's without Bobby. Tim and Zanette came too. The first bad thing that happened was that I burned my casserole dish lid to the pan because I put it in the oven without thinking. It was all melted. That really sucks.

Here is the rest of the story with Jacob. He started screaming again saying the chemical was burning his skin like earlier and he seriously would not stop. We gave him ibuprofen, cortisone cream and finally a bath. I washed all of his skin with soap and I think that helped the most. BUT.... while he was in there he pooped. What a mess! He had a lot of toys in there that I had to wash with soap and water not to mention get the poop out, clean the tub, clean him and clothe him. Needless to say I didn't have very much fun.

The kicker of the whole night was when I brought up adoption stuff. Kevin and Janice basically just went off on me. They really don't like adoption because of all the risk and they made sure I knew that. I feel even more scared now. I really really just want to ignore all the promptings I have received and just go on with my life but that really scares me too. I wish I could just see what the outcome would be so I would know what I supposed to do.

Oh, one more thing. While we were at the Barlow's. Kyra broke kevin's $100 message seat thingy and now I have to have Bobby fix it or buy him a new one. The bad part is that we have told them tons of times not to touch Kevin's stuff and they don't seem to listen.

So, that was my day. All that crap happened in one day. I don't think tomorrow (today now) can even compare to that and believe me we won't try.